Army of Darkness is a Better Blogger Than You. And Here’s Why.

Although his random (but always hilarious) cameo appearances and his role in the hit show Burn Notice are nothing to sniff at, Bruce Campbell is probably best known for his unforgettable performances as Ash Williams in cult classic films like Evil Dead 2 and its 1992 sequel, Army of Darkness. He consistently delivers biting one-liners and a devil-may-care attitude that can’t be duplicated.

What can Bruce and his wit teach you about blogging? Well, with the guidance of some of his most memorable quips from Army of Darkness, you’ll learn why it’s a must to sprinkle humor and attitude into your blog posts – and into your daily life as a blogger – all while looking like a BAMF.

Rule #1: Not all serious situations call for serious responses.

Have you ever read a blog so boring that you clicked away before making it through the intro paragraph? Or perhaps you have trouble composing articles that aren’t gravely serious and to-the-point? Here’s where Bruce comes in!

Do you think Ash Williams lets a few undead jerks and a serious mood bring down his witty demeanor? Heck no. Even when Ash is faced with grave danger, he still manages to see the humor in situations and he doesn’t hesitate to bring that to light. Case in point: even when Ash was catapulted back into the Middle Ages, attached to a chain gang, and told he had to jump into an ominous pit where death surely awaited him, he still had a witty remark for the fellow chained up behind him:

Duke Henry: You, Sir, are not one of my vassals…who are you?

Ash: Who wants to know?

Duke Henry: I am Henry the Red. Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northlands and leader of its peoples.

Ash: Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I’ve got news for you pal, you ain’t leadin’ but two things, right now: Jack and shit… and Jack left town.

See what he did there? Okay, maybe don’t insult your audience, but you get the idea. This isn’t a free pass to make a joke of serious situations, but it’s possible to lighten the mood when it’s called for. Humor really does make a difference when you’re setting the tone for your posts, especially when it comes to your readership and their vested interest in what you have to say. Have a quip for every situation!

Rule #2: Kill ‘em with confidence and stand your ground.

You’ve got to decide which side you’re on, and you’ve got to do it authoritatively. No one likes a flip-flopper and few people are going to read your blog if you can’t form a concrete opinion on a subject. Furthermore, your blog will be dead in the water if you’re not confident in the stance you’ve chosen. There will be haters in the comments no matter what your opinions (oh yes, there will be!) but you can’t let that decide your outcome. Don’t be a pansy – stand up for yourself and stand your ground.

Old Woman: I’ll swallow your soul!

Ash: Come get some.

Rule #3: Don’t get too comfortable, and always prepare for the unexpected.

Staying one step ahead of the curve can only benefit you on your journey. It’s fine to feel pride in your work (see the previous point on confidence) but don’t let it go to your head. You’re not invincible and there will always be challenges (and enemies) waiting around the corner to catch you in a trap or to gore you with sharp objects. Avoid a nasty situation by either getting wise to tricks or by simply using your experience to air on the side of caution.

(After a possessed woman is knocked to the ground, supposedly unconscious)

Ash: It’s a trick. Get an axe.

Rule #4: Impostors will try to throw you off track. Don’t let them.

When Ash is again faced with the same evil entity that transported him back into the Middle Ages, it gets the best of him by using his reflection in a broken mirror to spawn a handful of mini-Ashes, who dutifully try to bring him down. No one likes a copycat, including Ash! Show impostors that you’re the original by reasserting yourself as the one in charge. In other words, lay the smack down on those who pass your words and talents off as their own.

Ash: Oh, you little bastards! All right, I’ll crush each and every last one of ya! I’ll squash you so hard you’ll have to look down to look up!

Rule #5: Be a fearless leader and unite your audience.

Ash could have easily retreated from the Deadite army by fleeing to the mountains after Arthur suggested it to the group. Do you know why he chose to stick around? Because he’s a natural leader, and you should be, too. He knew that the Medieval soldiers would never be fully rid of the Deadite army until they faced them, and he also knew that they could emerge victorious if they worked together to outwit (and out-fight) the evil that approached. Don’t give up when times get tough – step up to the plate and take care of business.

Ash: Go ahead and run. Run home and cry to mama. I’m through runnin’. I say we stay and fight. Now who’s with me?

Rule #6: Always have a better weapon than your competition.

Is your opponent armed with jagged teeth and a bad attitude? No problem; use your chainsaw hand. Is a skeleton army coming at you full-force with razor-sharp swords? Bust out that boomstick and the homemade gunpowder arrows and catapults. Your competitors will constantly try to get the best of you with the latest-and-greatest plays, but you can stop them by calculating their next move – and then one-upping it.

Ash: You see this? This…is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That’s right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That’s right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that? [See a clip of this scene here]

Rule #7: Always get your man…er, girl.

In the end, Ash Williams successfully leads the Medieval knights to defeat the Deadite army and he even manages to save his love interest from succumbing to an undead life. Due to his confidence, wit, and brute strength, he was able to get the girl and travel back to his original time period. If you’re a fearless, talented, and badass blogger, then work hard and aim for that payoff before you reach the end of your story!

(Dips the girl in his arms)

Ash: Gimme some sugar, baby.

In short, don’t be afraid to find that humor, confidence, and strategy as a blogger. Incorporating Ash’s strengths will not only make you tougher but also give you the skills you need to climb your way to the top. It won’t be easy, but being awesome never is. Just be sure that your chosen sense of humor and strategies match your (or your brand’s) established personality. Otherwise, you’re going to come off as fake as a B movie’s special effects.

Oh, and one more thing before I go: Hail to the king, baby.

  • Any more tips for fellow screwheads looking to improve their blogs?

Jill Tooley

Head of Content and Social Media at Quality Logo Products, a company specializing in outstanding promotional products. Bibliophile and book collector with a penchant for mythology and fantastic creatures. Ambitious blogger and content marketer at her company’s promo blog by day and creative fiction writer by night. Addicted to hazelnut coffee and discovering new music on Pandora. Loves making new online friends with shared interests.

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  • http://diyblogger.net/ dino_dogan

    Thnx for a wonderful article, Jill. Did you notice I used Army of Darkness font (yes, there is such a thing) for the “guest post by Jill” in the leading image? hehe…I kinda thought that was a pretty touch only a true screwhead would “get” and appreciate :-)

    • http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/blog Jill Tooley

      @dino_dogan

      I enjoyed writing this blog more than I should have, probably because you can relate Ash to pretty much ANY situation. There were several points I cut out at the last minute for length…maybe I’ll do a sequel post on DIYB soon (if the admin will let me)! ;)

      I did notice the Army of Darkness font — nice work. This screwhead approves.

      Thanks for letting me guest post for you, Dino!

  • http://zombieresponseteam.net/ MorganBarnhart

    My boyfriends best friend (and our roommate) LOVES Ash. He has his ‘this is my boomstick’ shirt on constantly. Anyway, I love the comparison. I think I’ll be quoting from this for a while. :) Thanks!

    • http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/blog Jill Tooley

      @MorganBarnhart Your roommate has superb taste. ;) Ash never fails to entertain me, no matter what my mood. Thanks for taking the time to comment, Morgan, and I’m psyched that you enjoyed the post! Nice to “meet” you!

      • http://zombieresponseteam.net/ MorganBarnhart

        @Jill Tooley I totally agree! Nice to “meet” you, too. :)

    • http://diyblogger.net/ dino_dogan

      It doesnt matter how many times I see AOD, it’s gets more awesome every time. How is that possible? lol @MorganBarnhart

      • http://zombieresponseteam.net/ MorganBarnhart

        @dino_dogan Because it’s just THAT good. :)

  • QLP2004

    I remember always WANTING to watch “Army of Darkness” growing up as a kid, I mean, who wouldn’t with cover art like that – JK!, but unfortunately my parents never let me see it (one of the MANY cons of attending a Catholic school growing up!).

    Ash sounds like he’d be one bad *ss blogger though!

    Great and entertaining post!

    • http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/blog Jill Tooley

      @QLP2004 Oh man, did you miss out! You should totally check it out now — I don’t think your mother would mind. ;) It’s probably right up your alley.

      Thanks for the comment, Bret!

  • http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/blog Mandy Kilinskis

    Amazing post, @Jill Tooley ! Such a fantastic read from start to finish!

    There are so many wonderful tips here with amazing references that I can’t even pick out my favorite. Well, okay, probably the first one, because I love that blogging allows authors to have a personality in their writing and interactions. It breaks down any awkward barriers between you and your readers!

    • http://diyblogger.net/ dino_dogan

      @Mandy Kilinskis@Jill Tooley You know Mandy, you bring up an important point. Blogging DOES help you develop that elusive, original voice we’re all trying to find. Writers write. And the only way to develop your own voice is by writing. And we can’t publish everything we ever write in a book…unless you’re Stephen King :-) SO blogging is an essential tool for developing that voice. Great observation :-)

    • http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/blog Jill Tooley

      @Mandy Kilinskis Aww, thank you! And I agree with everything Dino said in his reply to you. The only way we can develop as writers is by writing our asses off, which is something I strive for every day. Now if I can figure out a way to incorporate Ash’s “teachings” into being more productive with cleaning and doing chores…hmm… ;)

  • http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/ Joseph G.

    It’s been a long time since I’ve watched “Army of Darkness” — probably seven or eight years, in fact. But this article brings back all my fond memories of all those great scenes. I remember laughing my @$$ off at those quotes when I heard them for the first time, and reading them here reminded me of that feeling.

    Naturally, your blogging tips here are spot-on. My favorite is probably “Rule #1″ though. It’s always important not to take any situation TOO seriously, and we could all learn a thing or two from Ash’s response to such situations.

    Excellent post, Jill!

    • http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/blog Jill Tooley

      @Joseph G. Many thanks, Joe! I’ll let you borrow my copy because you REALLY need to watch it again. I don’t know how or why, but it got 200% funnier since the last time I watched it a few years ago. There are always new references or quotes to catch! That movie’s humor (and Bruce in general) kind of shaped my own sense of humor, so I have AOD to thank for that as well. :)

  • RockstarsTribe

    RT @StartYourNovel Army of Darkness is a Better Blogger Than You. And Here’s Why. http://t.co/8qJ6s4Fu via @dino_dogan

  • SerenityMorris

    Seriously if there was a way to put a virtual standing ovation I would!!! This was FAN-TAS-TIC! well done you!!!!! I may have to read it a few more times! HAIL TO THE KING BABY!

    • SerenityMorris

      It is so hard to pick a favorite part but this is one of them! “Ash: You see this? This…is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That’s right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That’s right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?”

      • http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/blog Jill Tooley

        @SerenityMorris Haha, thanks for the virtual standing ovation! I’m happy you enjoyed reading it. That quote is definitely one of my favorites! He comes off as a jerk in that scene, but it’s necessary to establish himself as an authority figure (in his case — bloodthirsty, superstitious medieval dudes don’t really do so well with reason and logic). Plus, it’s funny as hell.

        I appreciate your kind words and comment! :)

  • AngelaAckerman

    @StartYourNovel How much can I THANK u 4 linking to an ARMY OF DARKNESS POST? #awesometimesinfinity

    • StartYourNovel

      @AngelaAckerman Army of Darkness was the very first film I rented, you know

  • ShannonFShaw

    @NealSchaffer Great stuff!

  • http://www.wonderoftech.com/ wonderoftech

    What a great post! I agree with all of your, I mean Ash’s recommendations, Jill! I blog about tech, which can be a bit dry so I try to throw some humor in where I can.

    Monty Python and Raiders of the Lost Ark also successfully threw humor into serious situations.

    Hail to Jill!

    • http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/blog Jill Tooley

      @wonderoftech ::BLUSH:: Thank you! I appreciate that a lot. :) Humor is a must in blogs because it helps break the ice in tougher situations and it unites audiences. Good call on Monty Python and Raiders (more of my faves!) — both of those films seamlessly worked in laughs while still having a few serious moments. It’s awesome to find another AOD/Bruce/Ash fan — thanks for reading and commenting!