Kissing Blogger Ass Never Tasted So Good

Do Bloggers really promote free speech ?

This modern era advocates a world of digital interaction, remote friendships and tweet-a-second self-promotion. By default, it can be hard to find an online community where your voice is not only heard; but acknowledged and there is also room for intelligent; adult debate.

A recent happening whilst trying to join the conversation on a high profile blog, which shall remain nameless for fear of Oprah Winfrey-esque reprisals, proved just how rare this really is.

With great power comes great responsibility

For reference purposes, let’s refer to this blogger as *Blogstar*

Background info: Blogstar has some 15k subscribers; which they have built up in two years, and blog about their digital nomadic existence and the pursuit of all things travel.

So, blogstar publishes a parable style post about how chaotic and overwhelming the life of the A-list blogstar has become, and how they yearn for some freedom, obscurity and a little down time.

And Bam! Just like that; my hackles stood up.

There was something about this post which seamed disingenuous to me. I mean, this immense audience blogstar has created is no freaking accident. It has been a dedicated series of calculated decisions that has led them to be part of the blogging elite.

My issue was not that blogstar was a little tired and needed a vacation from his holiday, I get that.

It was the fact that this parable had managed to make it sound like the besiegement this blogstar was experiencing, was somehow the readers fault, and they were now having to find crafty ways to get away from the very people whose attention they’d worked so hard to capture.

It’s fair to say I was mildly irritated.

Enter the blogging sycophant stage left

I’m no Great brain of Great Britain, but don’t tell me I’m the only one that this post struck a distasteful chord with. So I read down the list of over 150 comments this post had elicited, and not one of them was in anyway questioning, debating or God forbid, critical. The comment stream was shining and bright, like a new born babies ass.

Now am I expected to believe that not one of the multitude of readers had the gumption to say ”Hey, this sounds a little offish to me – what’s the deal here?”

So I decided that in this conga line, if that honest voice didn’t exist amongst blogstar’s adoring fans, then I would be the first one to break formation.

Here was my comment:

It sounds like you have created a monster — I think they call it being “a victim of your own success”.

Whilst as usual your writing is succinct and enjoyable. There was something about this post that just didn’t sit comfortably with me. I won’t go into detail in this stream of wonderfully positive comments. But I can only imagine how you must have felt when you pressed publish on this post! My stomach/ego would have been in knots.

So many of us desire to create the impact, notoriety, income, and following that you have achieved with this blog.You’re an apostle to more people than you probably envisioned yourself ever being able to reach, but with great power also comes great responsibility and like with any “job” (which in some ways it sound like aspects of this nomadic blogging lifestyle, has become) you need a day off. A sabbatical.

Well done for being brave, insightful, and intuitive enough to the needs of yourself & your family, to take action. enjoy your vacation.

“Your comment is awaiting moderation”

Is this an exam?

In my opinion this was a totally respectful comment, with valid points; but it was clear some questions where being asked about blogstar’s motives.

Needless to say on several returns back to blogstar’s post to see how they’d responded, I found my comment still in “moderation” with numerous “you go there pal” comments piled on top, and not one single  interaction from the blogstar.

I wonder how many other challenging comments ended up in the comment graveyard ?

I’m new to all this and don’t have many comments yet, but I plan to keep my comment stream honest and open for debate. And will learn my own lessons from the insights of others. There is no moderation. All comments will be left up, unless they are clearly spam or overly self-promoting without being actually relevant to the post.

This is not an exam, and there are no right or wrong answers.

  • So how do you deal with challenging commentators who keep it respectful but make it clear they are also questioning what you’re saying?
  • Are your comments heavily policed for dissenters; or are they a free for all?
  • What would you have done if you’d received that comment?

There is no “thought police” on DIYBlogger or My lifestyle Max. You can feel free to leave your views and opinions here.

Take a moment to share your thoughts  now in the…err…. comments.

Stacey Herbert

Stacey Herbert is the Managing Editor here at DIY Blogger NET. She is also a thinker, schemer, detail driven dream chaser, the brains and the smile behind mylifestylemax.com. If you’re in search of a blog-less-ordinary, her's is the place to be.

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  • http://www.informationjunkiesanonymous.com Ryah Albatros

    Marvellously written article Stacey, which I’m now going to agree with! This seems to be happening quite a lot, or maybe it just seems that way, and like you it doesn’t sit right with me. “Thanks for all the comments and support (and money) but now I’ve had enough and I’m off!”

    Maybe I don’t understand because I don’t get lots of comments, and to be honest being social is something I have to work at. But why do people fawn over someone who does this, and treats them as if they’re nothing? Were there any instances of commenters replying to each other or was it simply a one-way thing?

    Think of all the chance there were to meet people and find friends.

    It’s quite sad.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Ryah, thanks for stopping by. I don’t think you have to have tons of comments to appreciate how important a sense of community and feedback is; to any blog. I understand what you saying about “being social not coming easy to you”, and for me, that’s what makes this kind of things even sadder.
      You will get people who pluck up the courage to speak their heart and mind, who get shut down and ignored, and they may be put off sharing again.

      You also make a good point about clarifying your comment policy, though I think unless you have had a ton of bad experiences with spammy/disrespectful type of comments, you don’t particularly need one. People should feel free to speak as they find Thanks for getting involved Ryah, it’s appreciated. Stacey.

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  • Anonymous

    @Dino

    Under the blog post title needs to be… by Stacey Herbert and her bio.

    @Stacey

    Yes, we sometimes deserve what we asked for, begged for and prayed for. My ex-wife, for example. [grin]

    I suppose I deserve everything I suffer from her. And, yeah, it’s nothing short of HELL. And, then, some…

    I want 33 Million Euros, but what I really want is to do what I want to do:

    1. realize ideas, see results, enjoy success and learn from mistakes
    2. enjoy intensely joyful moments with the people I love, so I can get back to the work sooner
    3. connect with new people, collaborate, and build a better world together

    I don’t want to lose connection to friends and family because all they can think about when they think about me is how my millions can solve their problems, today. Because even when I solve their problems today, there’s a tomorrow with all its new problems. Been there and done that. 33 Million would make THAT worse for wear.

    The problem is often that we want our cake and another two cakes for the eating. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

    Your blogastar’s problem is that he/she is afraid of losing audience, momentum, money, etc by stepping away. It’s a Catch-22. He built himself a mouse trap that requires manual operation. No operator, no mice.

    If he had built a vibrant community of we (around a tribe let’s say as opposed to ONLY around his personality), it’d be a lot easier to take time off, now and then.

    Oh- just because he didn’t publish your comment doesn’t mean it wasn’t registered in the universe. It was and there will be consequences for blogastar. [grin]

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      LMAO.

      “Yes, we sometimes deserve what we asked for, begged for and prayed for. My ex-wife, for example. [grin]

      I suppose I deserve everything I suffer from her. And, yeah, it’s nothing short of HELL. And, then, some…”

      Stan, your killing me, but your right sometimes we do get more than we bargained for. The thing is, I don;t think would lose (much) audience if they took a break, such is the momentum of what they are doing. That is why this “round the back door ” approach irked me so much, and I felt inclined to speak up.

      Maybe the lesson to be learnt from all of this, is don’t build something so totally driven by you being present all the time ” Tim Ferriss-ism 101″

      Thanks for your comment

  • http://www.FirepoleMarketing.com Danny Iny

    Really great post, Stacey. That would really bug me, too. We use Akismet to catch spam, but other than that everything goes through on Firepole Marketing, no moderation. We might delete comments that are clearly spam and irrelevant, but we don’t delete dissenting opinions. Isn’t that what conversations is supposed to look like?

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Danny

      Hell yeah, that’s what conversation is supposed to look like. It’s also how we grow and develop as people. Usually it takes someone calling us on our bullshit, to make us question are motives. Understandably, this is alot easier to take on board when it’s a member of your family or immediate social circle. But that’s the chance you take when you step out with a blog. That people will give their opinion and you may not like it, but it could still be equally valid. Thanks for getting involved with the conversation Danny : )

  • http://www.expatlifecoach.com/blog John Falchetto

    I delete all the comments that don’t praise my post :)

    Seriously, I don’t use comment moderation. I have a anti-spam box which any human can tick and after that you get published.
    In actual fact, I LOVE comments which disagree with my post. They bring a lot to the conversation. I guess some of us still feel a bit insecure about their ideas and feel the need to read tons of sycophantic comments to their posts.

    There is only one way to grow, personally and as a writer, intelligent critic. Would I keep comments which are abusive and personal? Yep, it doesn’t reflect on me, it only makes the author look like the person he/she truly is.

    Please never stop questioning.

    Love the honesty in this post Stacey. I had many experiences similar to yours and in the end, the ones who are truly loosing are the authors of these blogs. How far can you go when you are so madly in love with yourself and wont’ accept feedback?

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi John, glad you enjoyed the read. Dino advised me to take moderation off my comments in the first week of my blog. I think I had it up there, as it was the standard setting and what I saw so many others doing. But after taking it off, and letting people just say, what they had to say…guess what, nothing bad happened.
      Not even when I got the 800 word essay on “how I could improve my writing”. Criticism is hard to take, public criticism even harder still, it’s natural to want to run and hide. However I think coming back and thoughtfully defending or explaining your reason, behind what you have said or done is far more; dare I say mature, than just a blanket policy to ignore everyone who doesn’t automatically sing your praises.

      “How far can you go when you are so madly in love with yourself and wont’ accept feedback?”
      As for this question, I’m going to hazard a guess, and say-not far!

      Thanks for your input John. Stacey

  • Derek @goalsblogger

    Hi Stacey,
    I too have disabled comment moderation long time ago. That doesn’t mean that I allow irrelevant or disrespectful comments to exist on my blog. If it comes disagreeing comments, I welcome them, because I know that in life for every opinion there can be an opposite opinion. I had recently a comment when a guy plainly made a case against my post. And I love it. He cited references, links etc. Whoa, really cool.
    However, at the end, a blogger is a king of his blog, and can do with any comment what he pleases.
    I wouldn’t get too excited about it. Anyway, I enjoyed this little conversation.
    Derek @goalsblogger

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      “However, at the end, a blogger is a king of his blog, and can do with any comment what he pleases”

      I somewhat disagree. A king/queen, is someone who is a good, faithful and fair steward over his subjects. Those are the kings that don’t end up getting beheaded. The ones that start to an get inflated sense of self, and think that they can manipulate and abuse their subjects, just because they are the king- don’t last long.
      Granted we are in charge of what we let happen on our blog, and allowed to manage it the way we see fit. The truth is, for the most part it’s the dent to the ego that stops some more challenging comments being moderated. Yes, this is the kings prerogative, but it says more about them, than the subjects.

      Thanks for your contribution Derek, Stacey

  • Anonymous

    Stacey

    Great post Stacey – well said. The stupid thing about it is that comments that don’t agree with you are the very comments that you learn the most from and thrive from. Any fool can say: great post….blah blah. But none of us – not even DIno ;) – is right all the time. And sometimes it’s better for us in the long run if someone calls us on something and forces us to re-evaluate our position.

    It’s called learning. You need Feedback. Without it you can’t get better, anymore than you can breathe if someone takes your oxygen away. Sadly it’s a lesson that it sounds like mr Blog Rockstar needs to learn.

    Awesome post by the way. Really enjoyed it. And something everyone should be aware of. I only edit obvious spam, and delete anything that’s of no relevance. Someone criticizing my ideas is totally welcomed as it gives me a chance to learn.

    Paul

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Paul, thanks for reading. I really agree with what you say that “being call on something, forces us to re-evaluate our position”. In all honesty, I too find it uncomfortable, especially when it’s public. It can make you feel somewhat vulnerable. But you can’t have it both ways, “anonymity” when someobe has something challenging to say, and” high visibility” when everyone’s singing your praises. We learn and grow through adversity and screwing up. Thanks for your thoughtful comment, it was an interesting read. Stacey

  • http://www.getting-unstuck.com/http://fearlessdating.wordpress.com/http://www.getting-unstuck.com/ RILEY HARRISON

    Hi Stacey,
    Now that you are Managing Editor for DIY Blogger NET, will you be writing the blogs and answering the comments for this blog site?
    Riley

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Riley. The answer is no. I will only be answering comments; specifically on posts that I have written. Everything else is down to Dino,or other guest bloggers. It’s great to be part of the team here, but you will predominately find me over at My Lifestyle Max.

      Thanks for asking, Stacey

  • http://twitter.com/Superdaddykw Kevin Westerman

    I’m on the fence with deleting comments. I have zero problem with a person leaving a comment that disagrees with me, or criticizes me.

    I’ve received comments from “anonymous” that have been belligerent, added nothing to an intelligent conversation or debate. They have been rude, disrespectful to me and others that have left comments. Those are the ones that I am most likely to delete. I don’t feel wrong in doing so. It’s my online home and I want people to feel comfortable leaving comments of any opinion without the threat of being attacked by a troll posting as anonymous. I love comments that add value to the post and conversation.

    You do make points in your post that I agree with. However, I think there are times when it is appropriate to delete comments.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      You totally have a point Kevin, and those times do need to be at the discretion of the author, after evaluating the effect that comment is likely to have on the rest of the community (like you mention). When going to someone else online space, I think it’s always best to be respectful.
      I was raised to believe “if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all” Unfortunately, it’s rarely words of praise that cause us to rethink, rather, words of friendly challenge. I will always give praise where it’s due, but we should be allowed the freedom to question what is being said.

      I really appreciate you taking the time to comment

      Stacey

  • http://www.marianneworley.com Marianne Worley

    Hi Stacey,

    Your post is very insightful about human nature. We fear rejection, but some people, like the blogger you mention, take it to the extreme and miss out on the valuable conversation. A blog is supposed to be about sharing information, and it’s a two-way street.

    I am always disappointed when I take the time to craft a thoughtful comment and it stays in moderation simply because it includes points of disagreement. I’m a new blogger too and I consider all non-spam comments gold.

    -Marianne

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Marianne. I think that is part of the beauty of being in the early stages of something. You take every step forward, every recognition, every interaction with awe and excitement.
      ” all non-spam comments are golden”. I’m totally with you on that one. Maybe this feeling with wear off the longer we do this, who knows. I do truly believe though, that if were as honest, open and appreciative of our audience as we can be, they’ll forgive us occasionally getting things epically wrong ( in their opinion) : ) A blog is about sharing and bantering, that’s what makes all the hard work, so much fun.

      I really appreciate your comment, Stacey

      Thanks for your comment

  • http://www.kimberlygauthier.com/blog Kimberly

    People who respectfully disagree with me or question my words are welcome to my blog. Every single person who has questioned me or offered up a different opinion has taught me something either about blogging or about the subject itself. I may still stand behind my words 100%, but I think these types of comments remind me to be thorough and clear with my writing.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Kimberly.Your right, just because someone challenges what you say, doesn’t mean you have to change your opinion. I like what you say about “these types of comment, remind you to be clear and thorough with your writing”. I think that’s something I could definitely learn from. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Stacey

  • Mitch

    I rarely comment on Disqus blogs but I felt I had to on this particular post. This is one of the main reasons why I dislike blogs that moderate comments. People give me all sorts of reasons, but the truth is that they can bar a particular comment or blogger at will just because they might not like the comment, and that’s disingenuous to me. Now, do I delete comments? Sure do, but I have a comment policy and if the writer doesn’t adhere to it and what they wrote is totally off base (as in “not on topic or obvious spam), that baby’s gone. But unless the spam filter grabs it, comments are there as soon as they’re written, and that’s just how I feel it’s supposed to go.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Mitch nice to see you again. I really enjoyed your comment and personal take on the whole comment issue. Turning off moderation was a bit of early advice Dino gave me. It’s something I’m glad I did, it makes the blog feel more honest in away, uncensored. But like you say ” if the writer is off topic or obviously spam, that baby’s gone”. I think most people would agree that’s totally cool to do that-me included. Thanks for coming by and commenting, appreciated. Stacey

  • Glenn Street

    What do you think about the comments that simply point to a blog post that the commenter made on their own blog?

    For the sake of argument, let’s say the commenter’s post is thought provoking and a reasonable argument about the issue being discussed (regardless of the date it was published). But their comment on your blog essentially says “Look here.” Nothing else added. Would you consider it a comment that should be approved, or do you think the commenter is sticking their thumb out, hitching a ride on your blog to drive traffic to theirs?

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Glen, what an interesting question. This isn’t something that has happened to me yet. I think if this did happen, I might read the post first, and if I thought it added something to what I was saying, or my readers conversation. Then I would put and editors note, and link to the post. It’s rather an arrogant way of going about getting a link, and not something I would do myself, but sometimes you discover interesting things in strange ways. If I thought what they were linking to was a load of rubbish on the other hand. I would probably just delete it. Has this happened to you? Is the something you have done? Stacey

  • http://smartboydesigns.com Christian Hollingsworth

    Ooooh! I LOVE this post. Needless to say, I keep my blog comments open and free-for-all. What most people don’t understand or realize is that often, we have incorrect principles as beliefs. We’re all learning. We all go through life. Often, when I think I’m entirely right, I’m not. Parents are often correct. Friends straighten you out. Etc…The online world is no different.

    Blog comments should be open, honest, and full of spite. It makes things fun. ;)

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Christian, your comment made me laugh. I don’t know if I agree that comments should be “full of spite”, as that rarely makes anything “fun”. But everything else, I pretty much wholeheartedly agree. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Stacey

  • http://firsthosting.us/ Taliya

    LOL – we don’t really need our comments to be moderated, if we are taking active part in discussion as you just discussed, but most of us including me never read other comments just read and post, the reason to it is time shortage…

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Taliya, your right, time is short, and when there is already 56 comments, you don’t have time to read them all and leave your own. I think that is why sometimes I get a bit intimidated on commenting on blogs that choco-block of thoughts and opinions. On bloggers that I read regularly, I do make an effort to read the comments, as sometimes the words of the readers really expand what’s being said. It’s almost like our posts are the starter, but the comments, are the main course. Thanks for getting involved. Much appreciated. Stacey

  • http://twitter.com/kgranju katie allison granju

    A few months ago, I was up late one night working on something or another when a tweet came thru my feed from THE social media consulting blogstar. I’m completely paraphrasing, but his tweet said something like, “Building a personal brand requires 24/7 focus and dedication.” I don’t know what got into me, but I tweeted back “I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.”

    I didn’t see anyone else express a similar POV. And I kind of regretted it after I sent it because, you know, he’s the BLOGFATHER.
    ;-)

    -Katie

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Katie, seriously, I just laughed my freaking ass off. Where did you even get that from, lol. Sometimes you just have to say, what you have to say. Obviously it’s best to think first before you let rip at influential people, or anyone really. Put part of me would like to think there is a part to them, that has respect for the people that have the balls to say ” err…hang on a minute, are you sure mate”.You can get to a place where no questions you and start to think you are above reproach. I’m pretty sure the BLOGFATHER didn’t die, but he probably choked on his coffee. To funny. Thanks for sharing, really appreciated. Stacey

  • http://www.thejackb.com/ The JackB

    My blog is my online home. I don’t mind respectful dissent but free speech has its limits within my home. Most comments go through but sometimes I will delete them. Usually that is because they contain hate speech and or threats.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Seriously Jack, you’ve had people bring hate speech and threats onto your blog? I find this outrageous, but I’ve only been doing this five minutes and am no doubt a little naive. Would this have something to do with a certain Rabbit recipe by any chance, lol. Nice to see you Jack. Stacey

      • http://www.thejackb.com/ The JackB

        I am not exaggerating when I say that I have had death threats. But I blog about religion, politics and lots of controversial issues.

        The blogosphere is a wonderful place but it has moments where it turns very nasty. I try not to take it too seriously.

  • Dwmatty

    Stacey, taking the road less traveled has perks and pitfalls. The rewards are great, and so are the dangers. Even in the world of blogging. It’s no secret that one of the strategies that seasoned bloggers use to generate traffic themselves is to leave a comment that takes the opposing view. You did it very eloquently I might add. And I do the same if my honest view is opposite of those presented in the post. Doing so tends to stimulate and lengthen the conversation.

    We all know that not everyone is as gracious and open to dissenting views from their readers. Unfortunately ( or fortunately ) depending on how you look at it, each of us runs our blog as we see fit. And we make our own rules, even if they aren’t part of the professional mainstream standards.

    I like your end around strategy on this. If he/she won’t approve your comment on their blog, then as they say in basketball, “take it to the hoop” with your own post about it.

    Matty

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Matty,you make some great points here. You can probably tell I’m not a seasoned blogger, so there was no strategies with writing about this. It happened, so I put it into words. But you are right, the road less travelled does have perks and pitfalls, and one should never take on more than their shoulders are broad enough to bare.
      We all have a right to run on online home as we sit fit, after all, I wouldn’t let anyone come into my bricks and mortar home and disrespect me, so why should I allow it on my blog! This is true for all bloggers.
      Community, honesty and debate are what make a blog special. It’s what makes people feel welcome, supported and listened to. If you police what is said with an iron fist, you stop that community really forming. That’s what we should all be striving to achieve with our blogs, outside of comment policies and all the other barriers to genuine interaction. Glad you enjoyed the post, and thanks for your comment Matty. Stacey

  • http://billdorman.wordpress.com Bill Dorman

    Ah, besiegement; I thought it was Dino’s word of the day because he is apt to drop one in there…….

    And I didn’t respond to your comment because I just had too many…………..oh wait, you weren’t writing about me?

    I hear ya, but I will probably play nice for now. I don’t quite feel emboldened enough yet to call people out. Well, that is not entirely true; I have called a couple of people out for not responding to a comment, but I figured WTH I’m invisible to them anyway.

    I’m proud of for telling it like it is. I knew you were the feisty one……………

    I would say ultimately if you keep it respectful then it should be wide open for discussion. Every one has an opinion and this is the forum to speak up, right?

    Way to go Stacey, good to see you.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Bill, I’m all for playing nice too. It doesn’t make sense to go around making enemies, but it’s always ok to tell your truth so long as you keep it respectful, don’t you think ? I agree, this is the right forum to have a conversation about it, it’s been really insightful and interesting to hear the perspective of others. Thanks for joining in Bill.Me, Fiesty…never. I’m a pussy cat : )

  • http://www.thenerdynurse.com The Nerdy Nurse

    “but with great power also comes great responsibility” – This is the philosophy I have regarding my nursing practice, and honestly all aspects of my life.
    It’s part of the integrity and creed I do my best to abide by it on a daily basis.
    As much as I can understand the need for a break, you are right about the need for comments to not be moderated to only show a one-sided view.
    As bloggers we are teeter on the edge of jounalism and we do have the responsibility to at least attempt to be truthful.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Nerdy nurse, I love what you had to say and am inclined to agree with you. As bloggers we are all journalists to some degree.With that comes the need to be objective and truthful. Quite possibly the rules change the more well known you become ; ) I hope not. Thanks for sharing

      • http://www.thenerdynurse.com The Nerdy Nurse

        I think, if anything, the rules apply MORE when you become well know. You have even greater power and responsibility.

  • http://www.realityburst.com Eugene

    I’m going to be one of those cookie-cutter commenters and say “great post!”

    I know exactly what you mean. I don’t expect a blog necessarily to auto-accept any comment because of the prevalence of SPAM but i WOULD expect someone to accept criticism. Isn’t that what blogging is about? Discussion.

    Personally I love when someone questions something I wrote. It provides for a discussion further than “nice post” and “thanks”

    I of course do love the commenters that agree with what I am saying, but love to hear why they agree and add to the conversation.

    My blog doesn’t automatically accept all comments, but I do manually accept any and all newcomers if they are adding value. I don’t want spam comments on my blog for even a second, I don’t want to give them the satisfaction. Just today I deleted one telling me where I can get a great bank loan. That is going straight to the trash. everything else is all good.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Eugene, as writers we all love to hear “that was awesome”, where no different to anyone else putting there heart and soul into something. But discussion, conflict, new ideas and points of views, often help increase our knowledge. When a new comer swings by our blogs, I think it stand us well as authentic bloggers if they can see that we are totally open to having a discourse on our blogs, even if we don’t agree with every point our readers make. The exchange, if kept respectful, is definitely part of the fun. As for the bank loan peeps…errr..straight to trash, lol. Thanks for sharing Eugene

  • http://www.scanman.com.au/ cable locators

    I think comments are the best way to express you thoughts about the things you like, feel, honest words.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi there, I agree, the comments are the perfect place to do that. Thanks for your input

  • Pingback: Is It Time For ‘Comment Love-Ins’ To Stop? |

  • http://www.highballblog.com/ Constantin Gabor

    I approve all that’s not spam, no matter how critical it is.

    Yup, I see less interaction on top blogs. Probloggers don’t bother so much, they’re business people now. But I guess that was the whole point for them, right…?!

    I love the social aspect more than anything else so I can’t understand the A listers talking about social media. They just run content channels – that’s not social…

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Constantin, I like what you say about content channels not being social..your totally right

  • http://www.itinerantentrepreneur.com/journal/ Robert Dempsey

    I have seen some anti-spam plugins (or combinations of plugin + wordpress settings) auto-moderate new people, but only when they contain links (either via commentluv or what not). Aside from that auto-moderated comments are for dweebs. Having said that…

    If someone on my blog has a dissenting opinion that’s awesome – we can talk about it. What’s really fun though is how many people have a dissenting opinion but don’t subscribe to the comments so they never get your reply.

    The only restrictions I have on my comments are no links in the comments themselves. Outside of that it’s all good. Well there is one more thing, if someone is being a complete ass without backing up their argument I may have to block them. Outside of that debate is welcomed and hoped for.

    If I received that comment I’d send it through and see what others had to say about it. I’m sure their community would have jumped on it, as they were being beat into submission and took it, they would probably have come to his defense.

    If people don’t want debate on their site they should turn comments off. And if you don’t want a successful business don’t do the work. None of this happens in a vacuum or by accident.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hi Robert, you make a lot of very good points. Maybe they saved me a savage mauling from their community. I’d like to think people are a bit more mature than that, but we can become very protective of our hero’s. Can I ask why you object to links in the comments? obviously not the blatant, irrelevant spam links, but something that is interesting or add something.
      Thanks for commenting, stacey

      • http://www.itinerantentrepreneur.com/journal/ Robert Dempsey

        Hi Stacey – yes I should have qualified that. Basically I’ll remove links where people are obviously inserting a link for a keyword they are trying to rank for, that is completely irrelevant in the context of the post. If they are linking to additional relevant content, theirs or otherwise, that’s all in.

  • http://junecleavernirvana.com Texasholly

    I only delete ugly comments without redeeming value. If they have a shred of sense to them, I leave them and respond to them.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hey Holly, we are on the same page. Ugly comments get trashed…all others get left.

  • http://ineedaplaydate.blogspot.com/ Mary Johnson

    Im with you and I’m not just saying it to be agreeable. I think if you put yourself out there you have to be able to take the bad with the good. I also hate captcha with a passion and feel that it is a disruption in the discussion process as well. Great post.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Captcha drives me nuts to, I can’t even read them half the time. Your right, if you going to put yourself out there, you have to be able to take the praise, the opposing views, and the criticism. Nice to connect with you Mary. Stacey

  • Krista

    I completely agree. I do think people should be able to debate and share there thoughts. However I do feel they should be nice about it as well. No need to say anything hurtful to the blogger, but should be able to nicely share your opinion. Not everyone has the same views.

    • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hey Krista..the right to share our views, does not equal the right to be disrespectful. Like they say ” a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down”. Speak your mind, but be nice, some people forget that and become a bit to vitriolic. Thanks for sharing. Stacey

  • http://billdorman.wordpress.com Bill Dorman

    With or without lipstick…………..and I’m still not shaving my legs………………..

  • http://www.AnnieAndre.com Annie Andre

    Very clever little experiment. But, my god, I can’t believe this. Very disingenuous.

    It never occurred to me ( call me naive) that if i were to question someones posts via comments that they might not publish it. But then again, i haven’t built up the courage to question anyone. I usually scoff under my breath and move on.

    So do you visit this particular BLOGSTAR or hold them in high regard?

  • http://twitter.com/girlygrizzly Amber-Lee

    Stacey,
    I’m not entirely sure…how I got here, hang on, nope- I am glad I found this and you, though! I am shiny-new with everything from websites to blogs (and that includes even reading them). I am listening, reading and trying to learn to do everything, short and sweet- I am trying to save our butts (I AM DRIVEN).

    I have found incredible humans, incredible humans to learn from and I’ve probably laughed out loud more in the last 3 months than in the last 3 years! This is a major topic, as you know. I was questioning all of this not too long ago, because in all I have learned, it just seemed like “what not to do”. Besides, who am I to tell you if you can or cannot say something…. I believe this.

    However. I seemed to have attracted a blog-stalker. Who was very-very-crazy-angry. I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly he was leaving messages on every account, saying horrible things. About me, our business, my children. I was afraid to check messages that I had a new comment. (What if it was him?) I tried everything I could think of in my way of responses, as he was leaving his trash on every article all the way back, each day. I finally asked for help and advice.

    Each time I read something more on this subject, I am ashamed. But I was ashamed to invite people to read my blog- (what if they saw what he wrote?) the personal attacks were horrible and the threats were pretty direct. I started this journey with HubSpot, and they are trying to help, if they can find the info they need, I will be able to take the moderation off.

    Asking as a new blogger (I feel like a med student calling myself a doctor!) to you, personally. If you came to a blog (ok, say mine) and you saw there was moderation on the blog comments- would you still leave a comment? I know I have, but hey- I’ve just started actually speaking my mind. I wondered how more experience would affect that decision, if at all. I only get a few comments, I don’t want to scare any away!

    The few actual conversations that have taken place (very few, still…um, maybe 2?) have all been pretty cool. I like it when people offer their ideas and thoughts, I actually feel like I’m getting it.
    Thank you for a good read, even if it was a bummer topic. I would hate to think any of the ones I hold in such respect would cut me off if I disagreed or challenged. All I can do is make sure I don’t ever cross that line.
    ~Amber-Lee

    • http://mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

      Hey Amber, what a nasty dude, with more time on his hands than sense..I would still leave a comment, even if there were nasty comment, proceeding mine, especially if they where clearly posted to spite the blogger. This guy sounds like a douche bag, but I know what it feels like to be anxious about opening your own inbox, as I had a nasty new zealand stalker last year, it was a nightmare. You could start with blocking all his ip addresses, or any other comment blocker you have in your cms..or additonally post and editors note at the end of all of his messages and leave them up..the only person who looks like the a-hole in all of this is him. Hope this helps, if not feel free to email me. Good luck.xx

  • http://dannybrown.me Danny Brown

    It’s funny how some people can buy into their own hype. Surround yourself with enough false positivity, and I guess you feel you don’t need to worry about the negative (read, real) opinions being formed about you or your thoughts.

    Ironically, I’m finding these types of bloggers are the ones that preached openness and transparency as little as a year ago. Funny how success skews people, huh? ;-)

    PS – Damn, now you have me guessing who BlogStar is…!!